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Learning how to cope?

Learning how to cope? Please there is no coping with the loss of your child, no matter how they died. Death of a child becomes a life of surviving for a mother. I say mother because I have no idea what it is like for a father to lose a child, so I can only speak for myself as a mother and from other mothers that have lost a child. No matter the age the pain is the same, no matter the method the undeniable gut wrenching heart break is the same. Now the difference in some of us mothers would be the rage we feel towards the ones that took our child’s life. If a child was killed by a civilian chances are the killer would face the judge and be put away for life for murder but still this mother can’t grieve until justice is served and the killer is off the streets. Now then let’s go to the killer of your child hides and uses a badge given after taking an oath to uphold the law, yet they chose to murder, beat and rape are child and yet laws are set in place to protect our child’s murderer from any wrong doing making our fight for justice a very long road of not being heard , let’s face it most people don’t and refuse to see law enforcement for what they are, to really see them means their ideals are crap so most make it harder for the mother to get justice telling us our children got what they deserved!!! ( are you fucking kidding me!!).

My child had 30 days sober off a drug that has to be the worst I have ever seen a drug that most don’t take lightly as it is used to numb some god awful pain, so nope don’t see where my child deserved one damn thing that happened to her!!!

December 28th, 2022 will mark 3 years for me fighting to get justice and who knows how many more years to come. I haven’t learned to cope I instead survive this hell everyday.

Sleep what is that? I lay awake nights beating myself up for not doing enough and wondering what should I do next to bring awareness so laws can be changed and justice can be served, not only for Jorden but for so many more lives lost by the hands of the law? My brain, my PTSD , my triggers, my body, and most of all the memories of my daughter Jorden Marie keep me awake!

Being still is not an option, it is my enemy! Sitting still for even 5 minutes is hell on earth as I relive that torture my daughter endured and relive how December 21st thru December 28th, 2019 my daughter was sexually assaulted, beaten, thrown from a car, had her head ran over and died. Christmas was her favorite holiday in which I still have her presents wrapped, but Christmas 2019 the things they did to my daughter because she ratted out a cop, has me outraged and on a quest to fight for her and fight for others!! I won’t quit until law enforcement is held accountable and justice is served..

Please know I would call a crack head before I would call law enforcement at least an addict doesn’t hide their intention! Law enforcement hides behind a badge to break laws.. All these so called good cops are just as guilty as the corrupt ones for keeping their mouths shut and being afraid to stand up for what is right!!!

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