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I’m not okay!

It’s been a long while since I have been on here… life after Jorden hasn’t really been life I’ve spent more time picking myself up over and over again but staying down isn’t something I can do plus to many want me down and so when I get up it pisses them off and I’m gonna be honest I love pissing them off.. I wake up everyday taking it second by second as anymore than that isn’t possible and most of my energy is used making those around me think I’m okay as I don’t believe anyone could handle what’s underneath the façade… We all know I haven’t grieved as I should but even if I wanted to life has had other plans to ppl lying about intentions, being ripped off for items paid for, struggling financially for the first time in 20 years and having to sell off every little thing I worked so hard for stuff that held memories of my Jorden… every penny goes towards justice I even still have a box of 100 t shirts that I couldn’t afford to get printed, I haven’t posted here or Jordens website like I should cause I’m tired of not having anything positive to say it stays the same LIFE SUCKS I’m tired of trusting ppl I would think they would have some respect for what has happened but nope not one ounce so trust me it would be nice to post or talk about positive shit if any ever gets thrown this way… my life wasn’t perfect before Jorden was murdered but at least we had we laughed we smiled we were blessed and now more heartache than we can handle. The only bonds I have made is with other mothers that have lost a child as they are the only ones that know this pain and the only ones I don’t have to have a facade around I hide from ppl I don’t want to be asked how I’m doing cause my answer hasn’t changed I’m still miserable and broken and so so lost and those that take don’t know the pain and they take it personal I can’t help comfort them anymore it’s rough enough to manage me and my daughters that are still alive and a husband.. all I ask is if not for me do it for Jorden and for all the others that deserve Justice and keep her story going share it anywhere with anyone cause sooner or later it will go national, I sit every night on the toilet or in the bath on Twitter and just pick names and in the conversation I ask them to read her story at and to keep it going Jorden paid the ultimate price with her life let’s don’t let this happen to anyone else don’t let it happen in your house and let’s stop it

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